Surgeon Simulator


Imagine that you have large clubs taped to the ends of all of your fingers. Now visualize yourself completely immersed in a water tank, so that every movement you make is met with liquid resistance. Oh, you’re also falling down drunk in an ambulance barreling along the most pothole ridden freeway in existence. Did you injure yourself performing a magic underwater escape act? No, you’re a surgeon, and this is just how you operate (see what I did there?)!

Now, I know that sounds like the most awful premise for a game, but all of these horrible elements put together somehow produces the most hilarious experience ever. Surgeon Simulator is a first person operation simulator game where you must use a mouse and a keyboard (or a gamepad or tablet) to simulate various different procedures, including brain transplants, double kidney transplants, and now even dental operations. As mentioned previously, you are tasked with completing these procedures within the bounds of some pretty ridiculous physics and controls. Oh, and you only have control over one hand. I’m not sure what the other hand is doing, but you can use your imagination freely.

So far, so good!

On the PC, each finger of your controllable hand is managed by a key, while the mouse serves to position and rotate your arm. Have you ever controlled a hand with two hands? It’s a lot harder than it sounds. Fortunately, you aren’t exactly doing surgery by the books. One of your first missions is to perform a double kidney transplant (whoa), and instead of trying to achieve hours of painstakingly detailed poking, slicing, and stitching, your goal is to simply rip out as many guts and organs as you can to make room for two kidneys, which you then drop into the gaping chest cavity you’ve created. You may grab and use whatever item is in your reach to do this with. If your patient doesn’t bleed out too much before you do this, then you’ve won! The wonderful feeling of success I got when I saved someone’s life with my drunken club-fingered hand was immeasurable.

The most flimsy watch in existence.

The game just gets sillier from there. You progress into brain transplants, and then eventually transplants done while in a moving ambulance (try to keep those organs from flying out of the doors!). The truly dedicated can move on to space-surgery in low gravity. Now, I’m not sure why someone who needs multiple transplants would travel to space first, but it must have something to do with optimal surgery conditions. I mean, a moving ambulance just doesn’t quite fit the bill.

If you like to have any kind of fun at all, then I recommend that you try your hand at (ha, ha, I’m just full of them) this awesome game. It’ll have you laughing hysterically while screaming in rage. When you’re done, you’ll look at your hands, wiggle your fingers, and appreciate the results.

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